He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
