Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
