went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pooping to opera.
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