Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
