He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
