Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
