I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
