Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
