Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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