Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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