you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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