Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
