So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
