I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just tell him i said nine months
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize