im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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