apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
