Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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