you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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