Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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