I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
