i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
