Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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