Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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