you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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