Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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