Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
