so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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