oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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