I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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