he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
