There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
