You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
