His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
