Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
