so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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