First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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