I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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