dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
