OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
