remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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