Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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