i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
