Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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