In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
