i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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