I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
