My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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