I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
