So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When are your genitals available?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
