Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
