Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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