and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize