is your mom at the bar?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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