i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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