I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
