I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You are a genius and a whore.
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