you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
