She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
