You really coming over, don't trick.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
