I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
