So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
