did you get engaged???
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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