just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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