Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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