1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The air was thick with penises
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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