Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
