I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't deserve a penis
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
