Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
